Writing About Food Got Boring: On A More Personal Note

The last time I recorded my food was July Fourth, the night of which was the first I ever drank tequila. The rest of my summer consisted of a hell of a lot more tequila (I am now an expert at shooting cheap well tequila in the salt-tequila-lime fashion; the thought alone makes me nauseated) and a series of life-changing and occasionally poor decisions.

Since my last post I have (significantly) started a decently-paying job and ended a five-year-long relationship with the man I thought I was going to marry. After a short period of rebounding, I have finally realized that I am alone for the first time in my life. I am more or less financially independent and am free to live wherever I please guilt-free. Let me just say: damn it feels good.

For the last week or so, I've been feeling very sad, depressed, and just so lonely. I think that it's understandable: I had been given emotional support by my partner since I was sixteen, and suddenly I found myself without a man to depend on or to protect me, and I was scared. There was a period of floundering, when I reached around and grasped for reassurance: I can only say that this ended poorly. And then it finally occurred to me:

There were reasons I left my boyfriends, and when I left them I felt relieved.

I don't know why for me, quite often, I feel like it's better to be with anyone rather than to be alone. Even now, it torments me to think that I will never go back to the men that I have dated because I don't believe that I have the strength to start again with anyone new. At this very moment, at the age of twenty-one, I am convinced that I will never find anyone else. Oh how dramatic. 

But a couple of days ago I finally realized that I am truly single. For the first time in my life, I have no strings attached and I am truly independent. I have no idea how this is supposed to work, but in the next few weeks I will finally be able to explore my own interests and limits, without pressure and without regrets.

My Single Life Bucket List

AKA: the list of things I'll finally do because my asshole boyfriend won't nag me about it.

1. Get a tattoo. I have been wanting a particular tattoo for about two years (and known I wanted one in the area for about four). In the next few weeks, I will finally have it done. The best part: whenever I see the mark on my body, it will remind me of my independence instead of the man who was there holding my hand.

2. Buy giant hipster glasses. Because I fucking love them. With presciption lenses. I have always loved them since before I wore glasses (almost fifteen years ago). 

3. Wear baggy, grunge-inspired outfits. I have loved grunge since I saw it featured in my 90s-era Archie comics. Today, I wore perhaps the least-flattering outfit of all time. Loved it.

4. Dye my hair hot pink, cut it short, grow it long, bleach it blonde, frost the tips. The men I have dated have always loved my hair. I love my hair. But now, if I so please, I'll chop it all off on a whim with the confidence of knowing that it will eventually grow back (I've been growing out my hair since 2009: we'll see how I like it when it gets to waist-length and then decide). I no longer fear losing my lover's affection over a couple of feet of keratin.

5. Wear too much makeup. Because I don't care if you think I look like a hooker: I love blending eyeshadow.

6. Wear dark purple or black lipstick. Because no man likes the look, but I do.

7. Cover my wrists and fingers in costume jewelry. 

8. Grow my fingernails long. I love that witch-y look.

9. Spend an entire Saturday downtown in a museum, an art gallery, or just strolling along the waterfront. I'm grateful to not have to babysit an adult anymore.

10. Wear short skirts and high heels in the dead of winter. I have no idea how I look in them, but I feel confident while sporting them.

11. Take a dance class... or three. I love to dance, but I'm God-awful at it. It was worst when my partners were even worse than I was: yes, I want to go dancing, but no, I don't want to go with you.

12. Write down my thoughts without feeling like I'm lying when I don't share the notebook or link. It feels so good to have my mind to myself again.

13. Date someone without feeling like I'm going to have to spend the rest of my life with them. My small sample size has only taught me about a few "deal breaker" traits: I'm sure there are plenty more.

All-in-all, I'm starting to feel very optimistic about this new life of mine unfolding. I only wonder now: how did I let the last five years happen without a significant struggle?

Best wishes on this Halloween, and hopefully we'll see each other soon.

Lauren

Food Diary: 2 July 2012

Food Diary: 1 July 2012

Food Diary: 30 June 2012

Food Diary: 29 June 2012

I'm afraid I'm falling behind and will have to fill in the text for these next few posts another time (I think tomorrow). Uh oh!

Food Diary: 26 June 2012

Graines bread with honey (240 Cal)

Food Diary: 27 June 2012

Graines (200 Cal) with honey (60 Cal), strawberries and cherries (140 Cal)

Food Diary: 28 June 2012

Banana (90 Cal)

Food Diary: 25 June 2012

The rest of my peach compote (100 Cal). I tried to eat this with Greek yogurt, but it's gone off and is a little gross (5 Cal).

Food Diary: 24 June 2012 and Pike Place Adventure!

I finally went to Pike Place Public Market! Woooo!

Food Diary: 23 June 2012

I went a little crazy with my healthier version of Raisin Bran and had not only one bowl (210 Cal)

Food Diary: 22 June 2012

 Half of a whole grain bagel (170 Cal) and half of a blueberry bagel (170 Cal). I believe that these are Panera bagels; I'm not sure, since I shamelessly stole them from outside of the meeting room next to my lab and scurried away before anyone could say anything. Hee hee.

Food Diary: 21 June 2012 and the Kind Diet

 This will be the last shot of this particular loaf of bread. Whole wheat bread and honey (220 Cal). I will also look over the fact that the bag said it had 1000 Cal, and I have only accounted for 800 (oops!)

Food Diary: 20 June 2012

I started working out again today (Kickbox Fastfix, level one), so I'm feeling pretty good. I can't believe I lost so much motivation and stamina in just a few days!

 Whole grain bread and honey (220 Cal)

Food Diary: 19 June 2012

Whole grain bread and honey (220 Cal)

Food Diary: 18 June 2012

Krispy Kreme original glazed doughnut, frozen (200 Cal)

Today was my first day at a full-time job. It was remarkably similar to my work as an undergraduate (I'm in the same lab), but somehow less productive because I was less rushed. I can already tell I'll be able to get more done and learn more, though, since there aren't nearly as many time constraints. I like it. Also, I really enjoy making my own lunch.

Food Diary: 17 June 2012

Raspberries (45 Cal), strawberries (10 Cal), peaches (10 Cal)

This morning I took the train back to Seattle and spent the rest of the day setting up my new pad and watching the second season of Downton Abbey. Other than that, not much to note.

Food Diary: 16 June 2012

 French bread (60 Cal), a fried egg (80 Cal), a tomato (40 Cal)

Another uneventful day, I'm afraid.

Food Diary: 15 June 2012

Mixed baby greens with avocado and tomato (100 Calories)

Today I went to the doctor and had a procedure done which means that I can't do any strenuous physical activities for about a week, so I will be postponing the completion of my 30 Day Shred. This is much more disappointing than it should be. 

Food Diary: 14 June 2012

Unsweetened and iced black tea with a slice of lemon (2 Cal)

Another uneventful day. However, I am thoroughly pleased to have leftovers to eat for the first time in weeks. It's surprisingly exciting!

Food Diary: 13 June 2012

Oatmeal pancakes with maple syrup (280 Cal)

I may have failed to mention this, but I forgot my camera charger in Seattle. So, since my battery died this evening, I've started using my dSLR (Canon XSi) that I tend to avoid using because it's so bulky and I don't have a macro lens handy. The quality of the images is noticeably better (see oatmeal pancakes, for the recipe), but it'll take some getting used to: for example, I can't hold food and take pictures of it at the same time because this camera requires the attention of both of my arms. I might take it back up with me, though, if I can figure it out.

Also today, I went to the dentist twice (!), so I was very unwilling to move or eat for the first half of the day. To make up for it, though, I cooked! I boiled some black beans and pieced together lunch, and then for dinner I made the oatmeal pancakes I've been craving (even though I'd never tried them before), and they turned out pretty well (although I did need to put the top one, above, back on the stove for another minute as it was a bit undercooked). These are two things I've never made before, and I didn't bother using recipes for either! In fact, I even made my own oat flour in the food processor with steel-cut oats because I couldn't be bothered to go to the store to buy some. It turned out surprisingly well. They are also much more photogenic than my oatmeal that has been refrigerated and reconstituted, see below, although really oatmeal stores very well in the fridge.

Recipe: Oatmeal Pancakes

Oatmeal pancakes with maple syrup (soaked in)

All of the below measurements are estimates since I generally make things up as I go when I cook. Additionally, if you are missing an ingredient, do not bother going out to buy it if you can avoid it: things like wheat germ and buttermilk, especially, are not necessary.

Dry Ingredients:

1 cup dry oats or oat flour

1/2 cup white flour

1/4 cup wheat germ

1-1/2 tsp. baking soda

1 tsp pumpkin pie spice (cinnamon, nutmeg, allspice, cloves, ginger)

1 tsp salt

Wet Ingredients:

1 cup non-fat plain Greek yogurt

1/2 cup nonfat milk

1/8 cup buttermilk

1 egg

1. If you do not have oat flour, measure out one cup of old fashioned or steel-cut oats into a food processor and pulverize until a course flour. Small pieces of oats left over are okay. Flour should stick to the sides and collapse when the processor stops when it is done.
2. In a clean and dry bowl, mix together the dry ingredients.
3. In another clean and dry bowl, whisk together the wet ingredients (it should be mostly lump-free). It is important to use another bowl in order to make sure that the leavener (baking soda) doesn't react with the acid in the wet ingredients before you are ready.
4. Heat your pan until the oil "shimmers". I prefer olive or coconut oil on a seasoned cast-iron skillet, but it doesn't really matter. You can use more oil if you want a "fried" texture, or less if you want a "cakey" texture.
5. Quickly combine the wet ingredients into the dry (don't worry about lumps here), and commence pancake cooking! These cook quickly, and don't bubble very much like normal pancakes: flip when the underside looks brown, and if you aren't sure if they're done cut into them and see if any batter drips out.
6. Eat! These are excellent with maple syrup, or would also be good with fresh fruit (bananas or strawberries especially).

Tips:

• If you have baking powder instead of soda, you can use milk instead of yogurt/buttermilk. If you are using baking soda, though, it is very important to use yogurt or buttermilk in order to make fluffy pancakes
• If you have overripe bananas, mash these into the wet ingredients before combining them with the dry ingredients. You pancakes will be sweeter and more moist
• If you prefer gluten-free recipes, skip the white flour and wheat germ. They are added for texture but aren't essential.
• You can swap out the pumpkin pie spice for vanilla or any other spice mixture you prefer.
• Don't skip the salt
• This batter is pretty thick-- if you prefer thinner pancakes, add more water or milk; if you like them thick and cakey, cut the liquid and add as you see fit

Note: This recipe makes about six medium-sized pancakes, which have about 200 Calories each.

Food Diary: 12 June 2012

Today I went to my old high school's graduation to see my boyfriend's sister graduate. When a girl came on stage, crying, and spoke about how important high school was to her, I must admit that I scoffed. It is astonishing how stupid the things that are important to her seem to me, and I shudder to think of myself at her age. Needless to say, I hold very few things from my high school years close to my heart these days.


Onto the food:
 

 Steel-cut oatmeal with a splash of skim milk (240 Cal), with:

Food Diary: 11 June 2012

After weeks of cheap student living, it is so nice to be home. There is fresh food everywhere I turn, and my mother is always trying to feed me more vegetables, which I have actually missed a lot. Not to mention that because it's almost summer, there's tons of fresh fruit everywhere and it's finally ripe and in season.

 Kind Dark Chocolate Cherry Cashew bar (180 Cal). This bar is so good, and I'm not even a big fan of cashews or dried cherries... or chocolate, really. I completely recommend them.

Food Diary: 10 June 2012

I think I ate a lot today. Did I? I'm not sure, but there are a ton a pictures! 

 A fried (in olive oil) egg with two small pieces of whole grain bread (90 Cal + 110 Cal)

Food Diary: 9 June 2012

To prepare ourselves for another day of moving and unpacking (and little did we know at the time, assembly of flat-box furniture), Mahir and I went to Portage Bay Cafe for breakfast. Since I've been there before, I knew to call at least an hour before and make a reservation, because if you don't you can easily wait 45 minutes or more for a table on a weekend.

Food Diary: 8 June 2012

The day of my university graduation was also the day I spent many hours moving out of my dorm room into a basement apartment elsewhere in the city, so I didn't have much time to think about things like food, and I didn't work out at all either.


After my departmental graduation ceremony (I didn't attend the main commencement), my boyfriend and I went to a steakhouse in South Lake Union called Daniel's Broiler, which is both extortionately expensive and very much worth the price. We've been there once before, and it truly is for special occasions only.


My single meal of the day consisted of:

A glass of Albrecht Cremant d'Alsace Brut Rosé (70 Cal). It's strange: I don't care for soda, and I don't care for wine, but I love sparkling wine.